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A LETTER TO SHEREE

Dear Sheree,

            The 1st day I sat at your at the station to get my chemo I could tell that you were scared. You didn’t know what happen. You didn’t know what to expect and you looked like you wouldn’t make it though and I could tell that your mind was racing. I could tell that this all had to be a dream as the nurse descripted the each dose of chemo theory medicine I would be getting. You are so strong as you smiled and then you laid back to get things started. The fear that you had was so unreal. You were afraid the unknown. Not knowing if you could do this for you or your family. People would offered say to you, “You are a strong woman or you have so much grace, you are my “Shero” and they all time favorite of I’m praying for you. Don’t get me wrong you loved a person that knows how to pray. What you needed were those results to be wrong. They had the wrong person and you can’t do this. I would smile in the morning and cry at night. Those same people that were praying didn’t come help when you was there all alone. You hated the world, you hated yourself and most of YOU HATED CANCER!!  At times you wanted to ask the people were on the phone come to help, weren’t there to see me hanging over the sink or how at times you wanted to die. YOU were a Cancer Patient. The whole journey of my life and my family lives have changed. I recall you smiling all the time because you were trying to be strong for everyone. You were there to reassure your family that you will live and not die. But you didn’t know if you were going to make it. There was some many stories of people dying of cancer and you actually had a dream about you death. What would people say about you and what kind of mark did you leave on the world. You were a mother, a wife and sister. But know you will know as the women who has stage 3 breast cancer. You didn’t want to be label but it was to LATE. I recall you telling me that you said HERE WE GO The day your husband put it on facebook the flood water came in. People started sharing my page. Your inbox was almost full, your voicemail was full and your page begins to have all these post about character. How you were blessed women, how sweet you were and how they wanted to be there for me. People were calling, crying and feeling sorry for me. It was all too much. You wanted your oriental life back. Do you remember you told me that some people that you haven’t spoken to in years were emailing you to come see you. It felt like they were coming to say their last goodbye. To make peace with you before you die. That’s the day that you decided that this would not be this way during your journey. You weren’t going to have a pity party for yourself.  You knew that your attitude played a big part in your recovery. You decide to only surround yourself with positive people with great energy. I talked to one day about all the people that wanted to call and see if they could help. Instead you ended up helping they as they started tell me their stories. Instead of them praying for you it was the other way around. You told me that it felt good to have all the people calling and wanting to help you. You were happy as you started to reconnect with family members and old friends.

Then you started getting chemo and for the 1st couple of weeks every one by one people began to drop flies. The ones who were to most dramatic were the 1st to go. You would call them to drop you off at Cancer Treatment Center of America weren’t there. It was down to three people taking me every week.  You were so mad but those people didn’t own you anything at all.  You were thankful for them wanting to help you. Your attitude begin to change as time went on that you were just thankful they came the 1st place. You were sitting in there at the window one day and you realized that they were a blessing to you for just being there to help you out. I’m thankful that they were to help out.

As you sister begin to post pictures of your series online people were acting like you had one foot in the grave. There was a time that you had to stay off social media because of the comments people were making. Most of them were so sad. I would fine my self thinking that I was going to die. You started thinking to reevaluates the journey that you were on and everything you were doing wrong. You realize that people were doing this out of the kindness of their heart, be thankful that were even there and that people their weights aside to come to you. You told me that food was and the company. You had a crowd around you and some people don’t even that. Through all of this you came to the realized that every thing happens for a reason. Although you saw the bad side of these people but look at their heart and how it affected you in a good way. I have cancer but CANCER does not have me. You decide to LIVE EVERY MOMENT THAT GOD GIVEN YOU. SO I WILL SIT HERE AND WALK AROUND COMPLAIMING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE DID NOT DO OR YOU CAN LIVE YOR LIFE THANKFUL!

 

I DECIDED BE THANKFUL

                                                                                                                                                                                                                             signed, Sheree

The American Cancer Society defines Chemo brain also called chemo fog / chemotherapy-as a related cognitive impairment or cognitive dysfunction. Most define it as a decrease in mental “sharpness where the patient has trouble concentrating, taking longer to finish things, trouble remembering common words, and more.

 

I recently asked my sister Sheree, to write a letter to herself about her journey she endured during cancer. She wrote a letter, I read it and was blown away. While radiation and chemotherapy had changed her physically, I had no idea it mentally had such a powerful impact.

 

A Letter to Sheree is a photographic journey of a 39 year married woman of 4 kids. It illustrates the physical roller coaster breast cancer has taken on her body while her self-addressed letter exposes the reality it has on the mind.

Experience the external and internal affects of Sheree.

© 2019 Shoccara S. Marcus Photography

All rights reserved

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